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February 13, 2006



I have never heard this perspective to arranged marriages before. I can see why in modern times this ancient tradition would not be well met.
I can even see your point about the human rights violation however, I have to say that in my opinion, the human rights violation is a bit dramatic and unnecessary.

Are you out to your relatives. Granted, even if you were, they may still try to fix you up with a girl. The tradition of arragned marriages is an old tradition that wont die easily however it is based on love and concern for the welfare of not only the individual but the community as well.

Times have changed and this tradition eventually will fade away. Not soon enough for you I'm sure.

You mentioned that you are capable of finding your own soul mate. If you knew how many of my clients where the idea of the "soul mate" has screwed them up, you'd stop looking. I would like to see the idea of the sould mate fall by the way side. Its a romanticized idea that does more harm than good.

Anyway, I enjoy your blog.



Well, my intentions are of showing my opinion without offending your might ok!

I was taking a look at your post and I guess you may be right, though I have personal reasons to tell you that in a great variety of cultures marriages are arranged, even if it seems they are not, because there's one thing human beings can't get rid of: "KINSHIP"...

We'll always have to deal with our parents-in-law and all - in law - relatives 'cause you know people's relationships are based on exogamy - endogamy opposition (And you may know nuclear family exogamy is a universal cultural code to humanity) so as you see we have to deal with "other" people, outsiders or not they'll become (If you marry) your relatives...

I guess when your relatives (usually) your uncle or aunt arrange someone they are wishing the best for you, and, obviously, you'll have the opportunity to deny any proposal if you don't want to (It doesn't matter who does it) your choice will be ultimate and definitive, so I guess it's not that bad at all...

As I'm brazilian, I may not know or be able to comprehend quite well what it (Arranged marriage) really means for people in Japan, at first glance that post seems nice, that picture is very "cute" you know, here it would be quite difficult to find arranged marriage propaganda, though we all know there are many families who keep their traditions and are used to arrangements (commitments), but we do not get "Pressurized" by an outside coletive (social) force.

Just to give you an example, my mother always told me that if I wanted I could take any girl I wished "home" (It means, take her to my bedroom and do all things you know people do), but when she found out I was in love with a boy she almost "threw me out the window" (it's a brazilian expression) that means she really got scared and nervous...

She told me when I was 17 that if I went to the university - as I did - and if I had an engagement (Love relationship) with a boy she would stop paying my bills, and she said she would leave me alone, she just ordered me not to "kiss" any boy 'cause she didn't want me to forget she had given me my life and all the things I had...

Thankfully, she never asked me to marry or even to date any girl and actually she understands me (Though she'd prefer things wouldn't turn out this way) nowadays she knows sooner or later I'll engage with some boy and I guess it's such a relief, these situations always take some time to be cleared (resolved) and I don't know if she is only conformed, our conversations have been increasily full of tips and she's the first person in the world who wants to see me with a nice guy...

Maybe it's just a matter of time, sometimes people don't really matter about sexuality (only when they have their own particular complex) but I deeply agree when you say we must take political attitudes toward cultural concernments such as gender and sexuality, I hope those movements can be of some help for a great variety of people...

(I'm so sorry for the terribly big and "bad" written comment, it's just 04: 45 AM here and I'm almost sleeping) but you have a nice blog (And this post's picture is very simpathetic!)



I am moved by your dilemma. There is always pressure by heterosexuals for a young person to marry. Otherwise that person is seen to be a loose cannon. Or competition. The loose cannon is one who might be tempted steal a woman's husband, if it is a girl or to have an affair with one's wife, if a boy.

When you say you are gay, you take yourself out of the social structure, altogether. But you become the 'excluded middle'. And according to the Law of the Excluded Middle, you are too difficult to be regarded at all.

Social structure is either all black, or all white, or black and white, but no in betweens. In betweens are too difficult for heterosexuals to deal with. So the 'excluded middle' does not fit in.

The real difficulty is that Gay men, should they achieve the status of gay marriage, then turn on each other, and demand, in the same way heterosexuals do, that you get married. Otherwise, once again, you are a loose cannon. And a young, single, attractive youth in a crowd of married gays, is much too attractive, and so, is regarded as a danger and a slut. So there is little hope that a heterosexual or a homosexual social structure will help you out. All that will help you is your own *personal strength* in dealing with the social structure. You must be willing to COME OUT to them all. To put yourself on the line. They may cease to love you, but that is a chance you must take, if you are to continue in the company of your family; or else you will crumble before the structure and like so many other very unhappy gay boys ,you get married to please your family. And then something wonderful inside of you will die.

I have seen so many young gay men who got married and never worked up the courage to tell their wives about their sexual preference. And so the guys turned to alcohol. Each one I knew, became a lush.

I myself had a wonderful life as a young gay man in New York City. But when I reached the age of forty, I began to understand that one must settle down. I did not want to become a tired old queen in the eyes of younger gay men, and be consigned to what we used to call *the wrinkle room*, gay bars, that is, where all the old gay men went to be with each other.

Otherwise I would get to my old age and be terribly alone, and that would probably lead to suicide at middle age of say 48 to 55.

But fate intervened. I was extremely lucky.

A wonderful woman appeared in my life. She was good looking, and sexy and smart. Right away, on our first date, I told her that I was gay. But far from being dismayed, she thought that was just fine. As things turned out, she loves gay boys and gay men.

I didn't go with the first woman, or the second woman, or even the tenth woman, but when the right woman appeared, I knew in my heart that this one was the right one.

"I was hoping," she said, "that you would swing both ways." It was music to my ears. And, actually, once we tried sex, I found that I was bisexual.

"Welcome to the real world," she said after our first fuck.

"No harm," I thought, "in letting her have her little joke."

Make no mistake. I still like men. But as I say, that is not a problem for her. I have pointed out to her the kind of men I like. Big, muscular, butch truckdrivers.

"Who doesn't like that kind of guy?" she said.

So a lot of the time, we cruise together. But really, most of the time, she prefers the young pretty guys.

Oh, yes, we have been together for 30 years. And we are still happy as can be with each other.

But that was my solution.

You will have to find your own meaning in your own life.

Sniper Games


I've never seen video games titled that way before. Destroy brain cells, distort reality and waste time? Are you sure you're talking about Chess, Checkers, Go, Monopoly, Risk, etc etc?

When it comes to distorting reality, books have distorted it far greater then any game will ever do, yet no one is calling reading a waste of time. Heck a certain author is loved because he created an entire new earth (middle) with its own languages and creatures and powers that do not exist in this -real- world. Talk about distortion.

With all due respect, if you don't like video games that's fine, I would just ask that you do not make wide sweeping statements that are false.

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